Many women love to have sex with their spouses but most of the time, the desire is truncated by the usual work load of a typical married woman. There are days a man will hit the bed immediately he arrives home because of the day’s work load. And there are other days when men are very active but there is no required libido for a hot night. What do couples do in such an instance? Many spouses just put up their best excuse forward and go on to sleep. The truth is if you do this often, you will hurt the relationship you have laboured to build over the years. Listen to this: ‘When it comes to bedroom activities, my wife is good at giving all forms of excuse just to avoid sex. As a matter of fact, giving excuses is what she does for a living,’ says Mr. Kadiri. His wife’s response to my enquiry is, “Madam, if something is sweet, would you refuse to eat it even when you are tired?”
To avoid sexual excuses, it takes two to tango. So, let us look at some of the problems and see how we can handle them for real. Your excuses may be about the work load of activities. You can burst this excuse by asking yourself an honest question: Do I really need to complete this task now? Can it not be done at a later time? If your Blackberry takes your attention more than your partner does, put it out of the bedroom entirely. Or are you always bothered that the kids might walk in or call for attention? Most parents do not engage in sex because of the fear of their kids walking in while they are at it. Even though this excuse may be true at first, it should not eventually become a survival habit. But instead of destroying the good time you share together, you could have your friends or relatives take your kids over for a day or two. Remember that your relationship is as important as your kids and teaching them that you and your spouse need some private time now and then will teach them about boundaries and their importance early in life.
Many couples have destroyed their sex life with this excuse. I tell couples that they will always find something that will trouble their minds as far as their relationship is concerned because the fellow we are married to will offend us often, if not daily. Using anger as your tactic can damage your relationship. If you are resentful of every mistake and you allow that to be your sex excuse, you will hate that spouse and you will never see anything good in him or her. So give room for weaknesses to grow into strength.
If you are menstruating and your spouse wants to have sex with you, all what you are thinking about is your menses. You may really be having your period, but if you use it a lot of times as excuse, you could be building relationship problems over time. If you just cannot think about having sex when you are having period, let your husband know and he will respect that. But remember that you do not always have to have penetrative sexual encounter to perfect your intimacy level. You could curdle, hug and smooch.
Another excuse is this, “There is no point of having sex, I never get an orgasm anyway.
Your husband may not have experimented with all the moves to help you reach an orgasm, but telling him that there is no point having sex with him is like destroying his manly ego. This also truncates all the possibilities of enjoying sex. Imagine how you’d feel if he told you that you never did anything right to please him. You’d want to know what it is that you can do to make him feel nice.
It is common in relationships for couples to work round the clock. But then who said that sex has to happen at a certain time, in a particular place, for a particular period of time? You could either meet up for lunch at a guest house and have the best of sex or wake up in the middle of night and have a passionate sex. Although, this may not be a long-term solution, it is the best way in which you can preserve intimacy.
Some people say, ‘I’m too tired for sex tonight,’ just as an excuse to avoid sex. But be assured that sex will not take a whole night to end and spoil your sleep. In fact, it will help you sleep better. Moreover, if you really can’t think about sex, you can wisely present it to the partner that is burning with desire in such a way that it will not subject your marriage to relationship turbulence.
You often hear some women say, ‘I can’t miss my favourite soap opera.’ No matter how lame this may seem, entertainment does have more significance than real life, sometimes. Even though staying up all night to watch your favourite soap opera or reality show when your partner goes to bed is all right, but picking fictional characters over your spouse over the years can hurt the relationship. Experts suggest that powering down all the electronic equipment at least an hour before getting to bed can make things more favourable for couples.
Hear this one, ‘Oh not again, I thought we already had enough sex, is sex your food?’ We often tend to compare our sex lives with that of somebody else. What matters is not the number of times that your best friend has sex with her husband but the number of times that he or you want. An average number should depend on your spouse’s need and your sensitivities to each other’s happiness and satisfaction.
Wives particularly think a great body equals a great sex, so when they think they are not looking good, they say ‘I don’t feel very nice about body right now.’ Some women put their vanity over intimacy and on the other hand, all what men think about is that they want you and not whether you have mascara on your face or a killer thigh. If you think that you are fat and losing some pounds would make you feel better about yourself, then go ahead with it. The very thought that you have a better frame will make you feel better about yourself. You could also get yourself a new lingerie or haircut to feel better.
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